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  1. #1
    Senior Member DarkChocolate's Avatar
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    How to deal with judgmental people

    Thought this may be useful;



    Judgmental people can be hard to deal with because they tap into self doubt and leave you standing in a cloud of negativity. Sharp and unfounded criticism from another person can make you feel insecure, frustrated and under-confident. You can cope positively with judgmental people though, if you remain centered and understand why they are being so judgmental in the first place.

    How to stay well balanced
    When criticism strikes take a few calm breaths and hang back before deciding whether to respond. Don't fall into the trap of launching into defensive mode, thus throwing your emotions out of kilter. If you need time to think repeat back to the judgmental person what they have said, raising your voice as you finish a sentence as if questioning the criticism.


    This not only gives you time to think of a good response, but lets the judgmental person hear what they may have said in haste and without any real evidence to support their views. They may stutter an apology at such a point, and you won't need to think any further on the matter.
    When someone judges you harshly imagine they are throwing you a verbal punch you have the ability to dodge. Make receiving the blow a personal choice, rather than instantly taking the criticism on the chin and letting it hurt you. Remember that you can't control what the other person says to you, but you can control whether you choose to take what they say on board or not.
    You can easily unnerve a judgmental person by smiling sweetly, telling them you value their opinion, but don't agree with it this time. Judgmental people like to be in control. By giving this response to criticism you don't take away anything emotional from them leaving them defensive, but you don't give up any of your rights or composure either. You remain in control of your feelings while appearing confident.
    Understanding judgmental people
    If you understand a little about why people can be judgmental you can save yourself from becoming too entwined in their problems and separate yourself from their tirade. However if you assume that they are out to get you and trip you up, you will be left feeling wound up, angry and negative.


    Judgmental people are usually perfectionists who are also highly critical of themselves. They tend to see themselves as deficient and look for problems, often where there aren't any to really be found. This can make them edgy, nervous and critical of other people around them. When they make a judgment you may hear them saying that you aren't good enough, but what they are really expressing is that they are not happy or satisfied within themselves. The problem belongs to them not you, so don't own it for them.
    If you are still finding it difficult not to become upset by a judgmental person, even after practicing being centered, deep breathing and understanding where they are coming from, visualise them as a small child when-ever they judge you unfairly. You wouldn't find it hard to brush off indiscriminate remarks from a child who knows no better, and there is no reason to let a judgmental adult upset you either.


    Also its good not to be judgmental ourselves either.
    Allah is compassionate and He loves compassion in all things. [Hadith]

  2. #2
    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with judgmental people

    Peace be Upon those who recieve Guidance!

    with all due respect to an extent Everyone is Judgemental,

    whenever you say something is Haraam/Halal or Right/Wrong, you are making a judgement ... and that also has direct implications upon the person practicing the said act etc, wether you said it to him/her personally or not.

    and if one neither Know whats is Halaal or Haraam, Right/Wrong, then one is in an Absolute Schism ...

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


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  3. #3
    Senior Member DarkChocolate's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with judgmental people

    Quote Originally Posted by RazielTemp View Post
    Peace be Upon those who recieve Guidance!

    with all due respect to an extent Everyone is Judgemental,

    whenever you say something is Haraam/Halal or Right/Wrong, you are making a judgement ... and that also has direct implications upon the person practicing the said act etc, wether you said it to him/her personally or not.

    and if one neither Know whats is Halaal or Haraam, Right/Wrong, then one is in an Absolute Schism ...

    yeah, but it depends on whether your judgement is for the sake of actually improving that person and out of your concern for them and not out of your own pride and to put them down and put yourself up, if you understand what I mean.
    And theres ways of passing judgement on someone, correcting someones mistake doesnt have to be done in a nasty manner (as it is done far too often). I cant say I have never been guilty of it myself, but Ive realised how nasty it is and think others should realise as well.

    Most people that succeed in giving dawah or any form of guidance are usually the ones that are understanding and polite. Although sometimes abit of the 'tough love' may be needed, it should be done out of concern for the person and not to just please your own pride.

    An example of nasty judgemental behaviour is like one day when I was out with a friend and she said something in our mother tongue, I didnt understand the word so I asked what it meant and she said in a harsh tone; ' Dont you even know THAT!' and then lifted her head (literally) and turned away. She didnt even tell me what the word meant.

    Other examples are like name calling, labelling people and putting them down. I think its obvious all these things are really really bad and show no real concern for the person recieving it.

    And I'm sure you can all think your own examples/experiences.
    Allah is compassionate and He loves compassion in all things. [Hadith]


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